


A few days off

by Morathi_Cain



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, The Last Jedi
Genre: Gen, Inner Dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-25 18:36:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13218708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morathi_Cain/pseuds/Morathi_Cain
Summary: Luke went away and fought his own fights and battles. Mostly with himself. Maybe there's a reason, maybe not.But since when are force ghosts this sassy?





	A few days off

**Author's Note:**

> I simply had to write a small bit after watching TLJ about Luke. I'm sorry for any mistakes you might find. It was in one flow, kind of marking my thoughts about it. But I have a few more ideas, so there might be another chapter or another idea during the next days and weeks. Have fun!

Luke missed his sister. They had been together for around forty years and not being close to her hurt. He missed Han, his jokes, his hugs and his craziness. He simply missed his best friend. And Chewie and R2D2 and Wedge and ... even Ben. He missed Ben and his joy when he succeeded a task. His tears when he failed one. And he even missed his anger. The innocent anger when he witnessed injustice or someone was hurt.  
He didn’t miss the dangerous anger. The screaming and destroying of things. Only sometimes did he wish to be there again. To be able to react differently, to change the course of time. At his heart he knew he could never change the course of history. Ben had made his own decisions as an adult. He was responsible for it himself.  
The knowledge not being able to help at all, not being the right person to help, was what had stunned him the most.  
At first it had been the shock to rediscover his dark side again. The anger, the hate, the violence. In the end it had been his helplessness. Because of his utter helplessness his anger and hate grew from day to day. How should he be able to give hope when he couldn’t even help others or control himself?  
He’d always been so optimistic, but years full of responsibilities and without any real teachers, full of losing friends and family on almost a daily basis had worn his optimism thin.  
So for once in his life he’d wanted to run. And he did. To the most secluded planet he found. It was intended as a short get away. A moment to let others carry their luggage, work for hope and probably do a better job than him anyway. He never intended for his stay to be so long. In the end it just kind of happened.  
He’d started meditating to find his inner peace, his hope and his optimism again. To find security again because he needed it to move to go and to fight. Otherwise he wouldn’t be able to do anything at all.  
Without realising he had spent half a year in meditation. He had no news from the rest of the galaxy and he supposed they’d find him once they searched for him. R2D2 had his coordinates after all.  
But they didn’t and his self belief crushed again, too thin yet to be secure. What if Leia actually hated him after all that had happened to Ben? What if Han hated him? He should come back anyway, but what if they had everything under control? What if ...?  
So he meditated again, searched the old books and meditated again. And without counting or even realising it, five years passed. Five years full of struggles and discussions with ghosts. He relived his meeting with himself as Vader again and again, fighting his inner demons and his dark side more often than not. It was never a definite win. Sometimes it was close, sometimes even and sometimes he lost and found himself still at the same place days later. Luckily he didn’t need much to eat or drink whenever he went into this state of mind, but afterwards he was hungry as hell and dragged himself back to the village. In the end he was never overcome completely, but it was never easy as well.  
He tried to read the Jedi books and he tried to get Obi-Wan and Yoda to tell him their secrets. Because some of what was written made no sense to him and he wondered if it had been easier if he’d been taught at the Academy.  
Obi-Wan laughed and told him: “No!” while Yoda kept silent and watched the tree as if he wished to burn it.  
“Why do you question your way so much now?”  
Obi-Wan seemed sincere as he floated through the air next to Luke himself.  
“I thought questioning your motives is essential?”  
“But not if it keeps you from going on.”  
Luke shrugged.  
“I guess I finally have the time now. I didn’t have much time when all the responsibilities lay on my shoulders. We had to rebuild everything and to fight the Imperials. I simply tried to do my best.”  
“And your best is usually enough.”  
Luke grumbled.  
“Apparently not, if Ben is any indication.”  
“And why aren’t you out there to do your best?”  
“What if my best is the worst?”  
Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. Luke grumbled again. Since when was Obi-Wan this sassy? Apparently being a force ghost made you look like your younger self and behave as one, too.  
“I wasn’t so different when you met me first.”  
“Sure, sure ...”  
Luke hiked up another hill, leaving a laughing Obi-Wan behind him. He wasn’t even allowed to call him “Ben” anymore. It had been a nickname to protect him from the Empire apparently. And since Ben Organa became such an asshat he refused to even react to “Ben” at all.  
“You’ll see.”, was all Yoda would say and Luke was slowly losing his patience with those two. Were there no other force ghosts? Maybe even his father?  
But Anakin had been quiet since this one time on Endor.  
Walking was a good idea. Walking and drinking the milk of those strange creatures living on the island with him. He didn’t know what race they were but thanks to the nuns he knew he could live by drinking their milk. However strange it had been for the first few weeks. Or months ... years actually.  
He knew there was no good in sulking on this planet and he had to get out and do something. Be there, help out and let everyone’s hate and anger have a direction. But he hid like a coward, which frustrated him even more. What had he become? He’d been so full of optimism, believing in the good of everyone and everything. Did the centuries of responsibilities and fighting crush him? Was he so out of hope and energy he simply had to hide?  
Luke tried to leave for several times, but it was as if the force itself pulled him back. So he stayed, fighting himself and yearning for his loved ones.

The day Rey stood in front of him, holding his own lightsaber, everything made sense.

Or almost. Because whatever it meant wasn’t clear until he felt her connection with the force, as strong and amazing as he’d only seen it once.  
“Several times.”, Yoda said. Obi-Wan only nodded.  
He’d been comfortable, not knowing what was going on, only missing his family and friends. Rey coming to this planet and finding even his island was like a shock. Talking to someone else other than force ghosts was even more of a shock. He couldn’t believe it as first. And when he realised who she’d come with and what had happened to Han he felt some kind of pain he hadn’t felt for a long time. Now everything was real. The world had moved on. And they hadn’t been better off without him. At least they weren’t living in peace, when living at all. It hurt to lose a friend. A partner. As he’d lost many friends he’d always been sure of Han being next to him till the end of time.  
But Han was no longer and his grief was too much for him. What was he supposed to do now?  
Chewie knew, because Chewie always knew.  
Luke got his first hug in years and it was a long and strong hug. A hug full of emotions.  
And while Rey slept, they talked for hours and hours, grieving Han and remembering all those little stories about him. Which Han would have probably hated, but he wasn’t there to stop them.  
When morning dawned Luke had shed more tears than during his whole time here. And he’d talked so much his throat felt raw. None of the ghosts had dared to appear, but he felt their comfort and their presence. And suddenly he was eighteen again, new to the universe and all her secrets. Young and hopeful, bursting to do good and do something, anything. The ache in his bones reminded him that no, he was in fact older than eighteen. Which didn’t mean he wasn’t able to take on an army by himself.

 

But first: Rey.

He had to test her, to push her boundaries. Maybe even to annoy her a bit. 

The force was with him once again, completely and without doubt. 

He was one with the force.


End file.
